apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
