drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize