just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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