Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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