I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
