There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
