textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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