SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize