are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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