3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
