Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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