Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
