So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
