u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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