i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
