Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
