I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
