I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
