the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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