i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
