Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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