remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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