Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
