dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
