1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
