If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
