Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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