Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
