you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
