3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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