I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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