I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
