she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
