come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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