I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
