Do you still have your period?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
