loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
