i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
this hospital has no fireball
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
