I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
