I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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