I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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