he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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