please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I could fuck to npr.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
