Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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