Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
