In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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