I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ttyl tear gas
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
