thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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