Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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