he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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