i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
