i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
