i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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