last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
