Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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