She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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