She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
