when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
