I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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