I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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