I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
