Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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