I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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