Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
