Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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