omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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