in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight