So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize