i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.