I can text with my tongue
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My feet surprised me
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