I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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