pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
