a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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