im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
