Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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