Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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