Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
