i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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