Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
