Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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