note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
