oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
