i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
