First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
