at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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